don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
