Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
