Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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