The maid of honor just puked.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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