Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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