just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
