I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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