plz talk dirty to me
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
