You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
