I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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