sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
