just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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