so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
