I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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