Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
