babies were throwing up all over the place
Quick, to the slutcave!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
