i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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