I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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