Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My feet surprised me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
