i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There was a lot of him and a little penis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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