i need an iv and a liver transplant
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Alive.
So much puke
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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