If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
