New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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