My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
