Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
