if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i now understand why vodka
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
