I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
