let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
