our cab driver is having phone sex.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
