I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
