I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
