I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize