These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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