I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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