1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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