I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
