well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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