i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
now i know why i became what i already was.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
