Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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