you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
