Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
