You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He felt like a one man threesome
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
