If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
