if only i could text you this smell
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
