mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
