I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
