I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
