My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
