so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
