I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
