Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My bed smells like the plague
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
