his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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