I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
