i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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