We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
