I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When are your genitals available?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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