u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize