I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
