curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
