I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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