I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
