You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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