I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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