"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
