Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
