I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
