just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
